this will be the last Blog I do I am not longer comfortable blogging knowing that its being scanned for slights so I leave you all with a heavy heart and pictures of my new bed I have enjoyed blogging for the last 4 years but I don;t want to go private and I don;t want to have to watch every word I say so this is the end , For me the hilight of my blog will always be the trip to knowsley with the llamas and Baboons cheerio chaps xxxxx

What a fuck off and die day this has turned out to be. Those who know me will know that I had been looking forward to this day with great anticipation after months of crap sleep my new bed was to be delivered . This clashed with sports day so I was hoping that the bed would arrive in the morning and I would be able to get to the school for the kids afternoon sports day session. Didn't sleep well last night as usual got up at 4 and saw Carol on line sniggered went back to bed. got up again at half six did the sandwiches etc woke the kids up got dressed did the usual crap like washing up putting the papers in the storage tim ,walked the kids to the bus stop and then on up to the co-op for my paper waved to the kids as as I walked back cos the bus hadn't been yet got home sat down with a cuppa ready to read the news online , kids come bursting through the door in tears to say the fucking bus hadn't stopped for them despite them holding their hand out and there being ten other people at the stop. This meant they had to catch the bus an hour later and that they missed the first events in the morning sports day programme.
Noon came and went and no word came there from the delivery drivers, finally at about 2ish they rang to ask where I was so I told them . They delivered the bed and rushed out the house I went up to look and there was no fucking mattress with it. I rang the delivery drivers and they said o h no delivery note about a mattress rang the shop the said we'll get back to you flower. They rang back ans said that owing to a clerical error the mattress hadn't got on the van and it would be another week before they can deliver it . I said what am I supposed to do meanwhile and the bloke said "sorry flower, I;d invite you to share my bed but the wifes cooking is terrible " so that was that . A mates coming round tomorrow all things being well to help me put the frame together , however Sams losing his voice and its looking like he;s ging to be off school so things jus go from crap to crapper

I realised this morning that today is my Wedding anniversary ,how very Alanis Morrisett that I should spend it at the dole office trying to sign on eh? Its funny because I spent my 30th Birthday doing exactly the same thing my life has more cycles than the upstairs at Halfords. Ellie is nagging me to write a novel but I a not in the right frame of mind. The man at the dole office liked me he said I had a positive attitude and at least I could laugh at my life

The weather here is strange its been pissing down for days but this afternoon it was sunny and warm , I haven't been sleeping well though so I was too tired to go out in it .I trod on basils lead this morning and managed to break his collar which is a right bastard cos it wasn't that old and I could do without the expense of a new one at the mo. Tomorrow I have an interview with the Job centre to see what benefits I am eligible for so wish me luck. A friend popped in this morning which was nice and cheered me up no end I settled down to watch wimbledon but rain stopped lay so much it was hard to keep interested and my mind wandered too much. Its the kids Sportsday on wednesday unfortunately My new bed is also being delivered on wednesday I hope its in the morning so I can at east wacch the afternoons events or even better that it pours with rain and it is postponed to a later date.I a looking forward to getting my new bed hopefully it will set me back sleeping at the right time .last night my dog appeared to have had a conversation with a friend of mine in Ims fortunately he hadn't hit send to his garbled jhdkjhdsadsh was still in the send box this morning

I awoke today to some very sad news , a good internet friend of mine had died yesterday afternoon .Jan or swanny as I used to her ( owing to her weird idea that swans are actually beautiful birds and not the arm breaking killing machines that we know them to be ) was truly inspirational , in a world of self pity and deep depression over minor set backs Jan was like a beacon of hope shining out. Despite bowel cancer and numerous nasty operations and set backs she remained positive I never saw her whine about pain or do anything other than look forwards with a positivity that I wish I could emulate in my every day life. She and her husband John were always looking forward to what they would be able to do ,never at what they could not longer do and when I was in the pathetic slough of dispondancy brought on by my financial and marital worries,one day I just thought of Jan and realised that life is to be lived every last second of it and if you want to do something do it because not doing it is infinitely worse . My life has been enhanced by knowing Jan and I hope that in times of hardship I will think of her and know that I am capable of doing whatever it is needs doing . I shall miss you Jan you were fab

I have been toying of late with changing my name , not my last name my first name . I have never liked Alex very much its short it's, curt and it sounds like a bloke. I was wondering if changing ones name could change ones personality . Few people call me anything other than Alex or mum or weasle . A couple of people in pub quiz call me Lexi which like a lot more than Alex ,Lexi doesn't sound like a man for a start which has to be a bonus but if I took up Lexi as my first name would my personality change with it would I become fluffier and less sarcastic or would I remain Alex just answering to another name .Would I remember to answer if someone called me Lexi? Allan I look forward to your input on this since you were the one who said People needed to stop calling me mum and start calling me by my name

I awoke this morning to the sounds of the pissing rain, which is the sound I went to sleep with last night, its only to be expected its Wimbledons start today. I also awoke to yet another ruddy Im from bloody wolf saying hahhahah you aren;t there , because I forgot to log out of aol when I went to bed to watch Pete Dohertys babyshambles set which was on fat too late. Today I will mostly bbe doing housework sincce my parents parting words were this house needs bottoming which while sounding like some kinky form of exorcism is actually my mothers phrase for you live in a pig sty . I have told the kids I will go to the bus stop today and stand with a brolly until the bus comes since last week they got so wet waiting that they had to wear PE kit all day in school,Sam has taken up swearing as a hobby I don;t know where he fcking picks it up from but will knock it out of the cheeky little bastard if it kills me